maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
