I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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