guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
