Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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