Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just pee around me
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
