Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
