I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
