chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
