I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
