I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize