She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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