he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
