One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
