We named our party play list daddy issues
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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