I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
