bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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