the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
