stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
