And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
