there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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