Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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