Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
