he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
