Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
