I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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