she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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