Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
