Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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