I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
