I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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