My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
