My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Randomize
