As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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