wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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