there was a trapeze. enough said
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
