Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
