Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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