Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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