I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
