New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
