Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He felt like a one man threesome
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize