im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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