and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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