I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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