Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
