Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
