i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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