was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
