i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
