have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
