He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
