It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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