I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
