This is not my ceiling
im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think your dad took our porno
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
