my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
