oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
