They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
