my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
