That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
