I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
