I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
