this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
