ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
