Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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